She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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