good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
