Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
