im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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