ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
