Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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