eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
