if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
