Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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