It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize