WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
