You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You work out of a Hotel?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
