i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
