im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
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his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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