Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I smell like Dick and happiness
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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