Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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