I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
