no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
