he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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