Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
