I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
