I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
