Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You work out of a Hotel?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
