Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The uberlube is also flammable
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Randomize
