you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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