I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
