She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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