we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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