"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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