Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
