We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
