guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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