when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
