Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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