I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
