piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
