i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
being pregnant is like rehab
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
