Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
