Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
