I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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