they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
