Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
