I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
someone owes me an orgasm
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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