WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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