Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
