Someone shit on the floor
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
