I have demons in me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
