omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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