Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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