i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
