the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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