Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize