I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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