You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
