Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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