hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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