I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
