If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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