Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
