Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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