So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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