I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
