He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
