Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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