Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
