hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I need to calm my uterus...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
