How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
