Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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