Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
