Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
