I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
