Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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