TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize