And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
