I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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