this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
